The Adventures of the Real Dorothy
by proudconservative
Summary: Dorothy is not really Dorothy, and when "Dorothy" is killed, "Dorothy" goes to heaven, which is really Bikini Bottom, and becomes a professional worker. When nuclear war starts, "Dorothy" is already dead and the story ends before that happens.
1. Chapter 1

My name is not Dorothy Zbornak. My real name is Latoyajesus O'Booshinsci. I am a 25 year old CIA agent from Dolton, Illinois. I was sent by the government to spy on old women, because big government does that to people. I am leaving the New World Order (the U. S. commie government) to become my dream job: homosexual prostitute. I met an old homosexual geezer while publically masturbating outside a church today, and we're going to blumpkin it up tonight. His name is LaRoy and he's the sexiest octogenarian I'll ever have.


	2. Chapter 2

What a mistake! Whilst jerking my two and a half inch cock outside of Peace Presbyterian Church, the constant stream of sperm got into my glasses (years of rough, homosexual anal intercourse have nearly blinded me since Jesus wants me to only have heterosexual intercourse but I am a hell-bound sinner who wishes to completely disregard the scriptures and so he gave me illnesses). While licking the sperm off of the glasses, my teeth broke them. The only thing I really saw of LaRoy was his dark skin, so I thought he was a colored man. I thought "woah, colored penises will satisfy me even more than white penises" and immediately got his number. I couldn't stay much longer since an old lady spotted me jerking off on the church steps and had organized the church elders to kick my ass. I was nearly tempted to stay when I thought as that, as I like the feeling of shoes up my ass, which I do not wipe frequently (I like to eat my poop). Anyway, I decided to run out and wait for that evening's blumpkins with LaRoy. I also went to have unprotected homosexual with the glasses salesman I converted to gay-ness in last year's homosexual drive. I prostitute myself for glasses, like many homos. When I got to LaRoy's house I realized he was not an old colored fellow, but a ghastly figure of death. I drowned and died.


	3. Chapter 3

After being killed by the Dark and Lonely Water, I knew God would treat me terribly. My promiscuous homosexuality, Unitarianism, and tendency to vote Democrat would certainly send the masturbating me to the Devil's hell. God was being burdened by big government at the moment and I had to wait to get to sodomite damned hell for the moment. Bow down to God or die.

"I shall send you to Bikini Bottom in the meantime." said God. I bowed down to Him, as you should too. Because Bikini Bottom is a community full of sodomites, I decided to go eat a hamburger. I walked into a restaurant called the Krusty Krab. I order a hamburger from a fuckin sexy sponge and go to the bathroom to masturbate to his image. While pumping and pumping and pumping my choat, I hear a squid fucking a crab in the ass in the stall next to me.

"Squidward, this is pleasurable. Make my asshole bleed." said the crab.

"I'll drill you till the crabs shoot out of my dick, Mr. Krabs." said the squid.

"Mind if I join you. I have genital warts." I said.

"The more sexually transmitted diseases I have, the better" said the squid. We drilled in unison till cum and poop was dripping everywhere.

"I'd like you as a prostitute in my brother." said the crab. "My name is Mr. Krabs, and I like contracting diseases from promiscuous homo-sexuals. We'll fuck again as soon as I can. What's your name, cum dump?"

"Latoyajesus" I said. I knew this was the start of a hot, steamy career as a hooker.


	4. Chapter 4

Oh, wow. I fucked so many old people tonight. Seven words: Old Man Jenkins is a fucking machine. We were using sex toys to kink it up while watching The Sound of Music. The thought of Nazis made us come on each other. We then put the cum in some pancakes and ate them while I castrated him. He has testicular cancer, but big commie hospitals wouldn't castrate him because he was a patriotic Republican. Old Man Jenkins thanked me and gave me $6.25 for a good evening. He then dropped dead of fluoride poisoning. The government is doing that to you right now, so you should only drink Republican water. I then did the following sexual acts with his body: 69, bukkake, civil war roleplay, pegging (don't ask how), and Cleveland Steamers! What a good night. I'm a good hooker.


	5. Chapter 5

One day, I felt like I wanted to have a fucking party. Here's my invitation

**PUBLIC NOTICE:**

**The residence of Latoyajesus O'Booshinski will hold a fetish dinner party with intercourse at his house (the back room of the Krusty Krab Restaurant and Brothel). All are welcome (18+). Bring some toys and and a dish! Tonight at 6:00.**

Mrs. Puff, Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, Pearl, Squidward, Mr. Krabs, SpongeBob, the other Old Man Jenkins, Plankton, and several elderly background characters showed up. We had a church service first and then had a depraved fuck session. Butt licking, Alabama Hot Pockets, fisting, Arabian death masks, and lawn mowers were the acts of the evening. Then, the young people had a game of soggy biscuit so they could bust their nuts. We let the old people continue. LEMON PARTY TIME!

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life  
Never make a pretty woman your wife  
So from my personal point of view  
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life  
Never make a pretty woman your wife  
So from my personal point of view  
Get an ugly girl to marry you

A pretty woman makes her husband look small  
And very often causes his downfall  
As soon as he marries her then she starts  
To do the things that will break his heart

But if you make an ugly woman your wife  
you'll be happy for the rest of your life  
An ugly woman cooks meals on time  
And she'll always give you peace of mind

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life  
Never make a pretty woman your wife  
So from my personal point of view  
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Don't let your friends say you have no taste  
Go ahead and marry anyway  
Though her face is ugly, her eyes don't match  
Take it from me, she's a better catch_  
_

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life  
Never make a pretty woman your wife  
So from my personal point of view  
Get an ugly girl to marry you

Spoken:  
Say man!  
Hey baby!  
I saw your wife the other day!  
Yeah?  
Yeah, an' she's ug-leeee!  
Yeah, she's ugly, but she sure can cook, baby!  
Yeah, alright!

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life  
Never make a pretty woman your wife  
So from my personal point of view  
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life  
Never make a pretty woman your wife  
So from my personal point of view  
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life  
Never make a pretty woman your wife  
So from my personal point of view  
Get an ugly girl to marry you

If you wanna be happy for the rest of your life  
Never make a pretty woman your wife  
So from my personal point of view  
Get an ugly girl to marry you

They then all came and went home.


	6. Chapter 6

The subject of this story died three weeks after his decision not to keep telling his story of being a prostitute in Bikini Bottom. He died masturbating. The end.


End file.
